So, as some of you may know, I have at least one completed manuscript sitting in it’s first draft. And when I say completed, I mean an entire series from start to finish with the entire plot completed. In the end, it will be a six book series, complete with a seventh that will be released as a prequel (yes, that is also completed… it was my NaNoWriMo book a few years ago). The first book is about four complete edits in, and I believe two more good edits where I’m changing around wording to match the universe I’ve created, it will be ready for… whatever I decide the next step is.
I had the easiest time typing this story out. Just popped in my earbuds and pretty much zoned out to let my fingers fly. Most of the time, I wasn’t even fully aware of what I was typing; all I knew was the base plot and I let my own subconscious do the rest. Despite this, I’m still pretty happy with how the whole thing turned out. I have zero self-confidence about a lot of things, but I do think that I can come up with a pretty good story. And I do believe that this is one of my best… there’s a possibility it could go places.
That being said, I have run into what I see as the biggest problem I may ever face with it: editing. It’s simple: I have the hardest time editing my own works. I already know what is written, thus my eyes tend to just skim it rather than effectively find grammar and punctuation errors. So you may find yourself asking, why not just hire a professional? I’ll tell you why. The reason is because I’m a broke bitch. I’m on a living paycheck to paycheck basis, and that means that I have no spare money to spend on such a thing.
I know that I have the capacity to do my own editing, but it is about finding the motivation and ability to go through my own works over and over again. I’m not quite sure why it’s so easy for me to type away for hours, but I can barely edit for an hour before I’m twitching for a break. I’m aware this may be a normal thing, but let’s face it… I’ve been sitting on these works-in-progress for about… two or three years now.
I know the time is approaching when I have to sit down and take this seriously. I will need to force myself to get through it, and then hope that by that time, our business will be up and running so I can hire a professional second pair of eyes in order to help me fine-tune it. One day the guilt will get to me that I am sitting on what could be something, which is better than nothing. Something beautiful and controversial that I want the rest of the world to witness. To hope that it might be able to help people in the way that some books have helped me in my darkest times. I just have to get over the hump that is holding me back.
I will be turning 31 this April, and I feel like I have little to show for it in ways outside of my beautiful and wonderful family. But at the same time, I feel that it’s what I have supposed to witness for this first part of my life. I needed to know the struggles. Struggling helps a person to be more grateful for what they have and more respectful towards their fellow persons (the ones that deserve it anyhow). And I personally believe the truly successful people in this world have not lost sense of what it is like to be down, and to remember that just because someone is struggling to stand on their own two feet does not make them lesser human beings.
So, here is my cry for a burst of motivation. Just a little bit to break through the wall that is blocking me from my creation. Once I get going, I know I can get it completely done. At least get the first manuscript completed and published (my current plans are to self-publish on Amazon unless a better opportunity is presented to me; I feel my series is rather controversial and will be hard to find a Publisher for). I know that once it’s out there and I’ll be obligated to keep the rest coming out until the series has been all released that I will be more inclined to push through the gates.
In the meantime, I sit here and gather mindlessly in Final Fantasy XIV, preparing for when I will begin my streaming journey as well. After all, why stick to a single alternative possible income?